The things you do. The things you hope your muscles will do again, once they've decided not to hate you any more. Wii Fit ain't got nuttin' on this baby. Now please excuse me, my muscles won't let me sit upright for much longer...
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Thursday, 17 May 2012
Denim: The Great Leveller
"Nic tried on a previously un-try-onable pair of jeans this morning and managed to get them zipped-up and buttoned. Whilst she was wearing them, even! Just don't ask her to move..."
Or breathe.
But O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! There's nothing quite like the feeling you get when you can button/zip/close up an item of clothing when before such a meeting of edges was but a wild imagining.
Size 26 black jeans from East Coast at Evans, bought on eBay for pennies a few years back, when the possibility of them fitting was quite high. Jeans are weird. No, that's not fair. Jeans are great! My body is weird. Which also isn't fair, but nearer the truth. I am a 'pear', which, okay, isn't so weird, (because we're talking about body types, not being actual pieces of fruit) and means my hips are much larger in proportion to the rest of my body, and for me that difference is about three, and sometimes four, dress sizes. And I go in in the middle rather a lot. I'm not talking a waspish waist, more like a natural fold in the... folds, but when it comes to jeans, pairs that fit me round my lower portions should come with it's own PA system to warn everyone to Please Mind The Waist Gap.
So really, it's not the buttoning, but the zipping. The button is already at the least wide part of me, but the zip, the zip always needs a bit of convincing. What I DO love about jeans, though, is the very unbiased nature of the beast. The squeezing legs into tight lengths of semi-stiff, kinda rough fabric, the tugging and shimmying and coaxing them up past your rear end, the lying down, the breathing in, the risking of the finger tips in trying to marry the button to the hole; it is a universal thing. You can be a size 2 or a size 32, but the Dance Of The Jeans remains the same and it's quite the equaliser!
So HUZZAH! for the humble jeans, for not only do you bring us joy when you close, your very nature doesn't discriminate between short, regular, long, large or small, and for that we love you, just as soon as we can... get... that... zip... ... ... up.
Size 26 black jeans from East Coast at Evans, bought on eBay for pennies a few years back, when the possibility of them fitting was quite high. Jeans are weird. No, that's not fair. Jeans are great! My body is weird. Which also isn't fair, but nearer the truth. I am a 'pear', which, okay, isn't so weird, (because we're talking about body types, not being actual pieces of fruit) and means my hips are much larger in proportion to the rest of my body, and for me that difference is about three, and sometimes four, dress sizes. And I go in in the middle rather a lot. I'm not talking a waspish waist, more like a natural fold in the... folds, but when it comes to jeans, pairs that fit me round my lower portions should come with it's own PA system to warn everyone to Please Mind The Waist Gap.
So really, it's not the buttoning, but the zipping. The button is already at the least wide part of me, but the zip, the zip always needs a bit of convincing. What I DO love about jeans, though, is the very unbiased nature of the beast. The squeezing legs into tight lengths of semi-stiff, kinda rough fabric, the tugging and shimmying and coaxing them up past your rear end, the lying down, the breathing in, the risking of the finger tips in trying to marry the button to the hole; it is a universal thing. You can be a size 2 or a size 32, but the Dance Of The Jeans remains the same and it's quite the equaliser!
So HUZZAH! for the humble jeans, for not only do you bring us joy when you close, your very nature doesn't discriminate between short, regular, long, large or small, and for that we love you, just as soon as we can... get... that... zip... ... ... up.
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