Empirical-Line Dress

"Nic was looking forward to finally fitting back into her beautiful ball-gowns for all her lovely concerts over Christmas, but WOE!!  During the hiatus of projects that needed pretty dresses, optimal fit has already been passed.  (Yay, of course, but woe too!!)

Time to get out the sewing-machine, and find a copy of 'Dress Alterations for Dummies'..."

It's not that I've been oblivious to the changes, quite the opposite (as posts on the subject will testify) but somehow work and special-occasion clothing exist in another part of my brain's wardrobe section. Like somehow satin and silk have the magical properties that allow them to fit the wearer no matter what size they both are.  

I'd been wearing a gorgeous black satin concert dress I found on eBay for everything. It was my go-to empire-line, floor-skimming, classically elegant black dress and it had slowly replaced all the other concert gowns once I had become too big to wear them. (Notice the quaint notion of things fitting on the way down wasn't given any noggin space on the way up. Denial on the outside, but acknowledgement of the truth on the inside, maybe.) It looked smart, elegant, it covered me up enough that I felt comfortable to be in front of people wearing it. I was still wearing it until a very recently, when it became obvious even to me, that simply by cinching in at the waist with a pretty belt, or taking in at the bodice, it was just too big, and instead of being elegant it made me look like I was wearing a trussed-up bin-bag. An lined satin bin-bag, but a bin-bag none-the-less.

I suspect that that's one of the reasons why I was actually quite shocked in discovering that those ball gowns, stored away (out of sight, out of mind) were too big. That although the dress in which I had worked for so many years was beyond the help of both my sewing skills and even my widest belt, I thought, expected that perhaps now I'd be able to wear my old gowns again. If I let out the corseting a little and sucked in my tummy a bit. But no! Most of them were already slightly baggy around the boobs and waist, and didn't strain across my hips or stomach at all. (The problems with being pear-shaped - you have to buy clothes that either fit well on top, but complain at the seams lower down, or comfortably skim your lower portions, yet gape open at your less than vast tracts of land.)

It's quite the stupifier (a word which my spell-check informs me doesn't exist, but it should, dammit), because not only have I discovered that my expectation of something is way off, but I've also been shown, empirically, that the weight I've lost is noticeable (at last)!  

WOE, but YAY, too!

Senior Coatizen

"Nic has finally put her long-serving Winter coat into much-deserved retirement.

Not so much because it's falling apart (because that fluffy-collared behemoth will be here until after doomsday) but more because falling off the shoulders of the wearer has to (she presumes) go against the very raison-d'etre of Winter coat-kind."

It is a fine indication, however, to just how much my shape has changed over the past couple of years. I really did fit this coat well, and even though there was just enough extra room to wear a decent chunky jumper under it without feeling like a stuffed sausage, it sat well on my shoulders, kept me deliciously warm, and made me feel a little glam, too!

Bought around 1997, full-length, black wool, lined with a soft black watermark satin, and finished off with a luscious and soft faux-fur black collar, I felt glamorous indeed! I imagined I looked a little like one of the heroes from The Matrix, with my long, dramatic coat catching the wind as I walked down the street, although I suspect the reality was that I looked more like a rather squat black-hulled ship in full sail battling rough seas. Never-the-less it made me feel fabulous!

And now, now it is gone. Gone to that second-hand clothes shop in the sky down the street. In all honesty I could have used it as a bedspread, considering the amount of fabric used for its creation, but I'm inclined to believe that it would have preferred to keep its identity as Coat and not debase itself as Blanket.  

And I need to stop anthropomorphising my items of clothing - I'm sure they don't appreciate it.  

Twinkle, Twinkle

...Little Star shawl,

How I wonder what you... 

What you... 

...are all...

about?

Poetry.  Not my forte, as is rather eloquently shown above.  What I can do, however, is turn out little cosmic creations like this:

rain's obsessive stitchery fred sock in 'telltown'

this:

aade lõng artistic 8/2 in 'flame'

and this:

fearless fibres lightweight superwash merino sock yarn in 'sloth'

More stars than there are in the heavens.  No, wait.  That's MGM.  Part of an Amazing and Expanding Universe.   Ah.  Eric Idle may have me for nicking that...  But I suspect you get the idea...

May I present the Gold Star For Effort (or Morning Star) Shawlette. 

I was inspired to create this pattern by a friend on Ravelry who told me, after they saw my Cocktail Umbrella Shawlette, that I deserved a gold star for effort.  It was an innocuous comment that never-the-less took root somewhere at the back of my noggin, which was then jogged to the front after perusing some of my favourite cocktail websites for pattern inspiration, after finding mention of the Morning Star mocktail*. And the final falling in to place came when Rain of Rain's Obsessive Stitchery contacted me about a potential collaboration - her yarn, my pattern!  That plus a little bit of sparkle at the points of each star, and voilà!  A Star (scarf/shawlette) Is Born!  (Oops - sorry Barbra!)

*The Morning Star, by the way, can be a myriad of things: a medieval spiked mace; one of the many names for the planet Venus; a town in Western Virginia; a newspaper; a song by the UK band N-Dubz, but for my purposes, however, the Morning Star is a mocktail, or mock cocktail, and is one of the lesser-known non-alcoholic drinks in the cocktail firmament (see what I did there?!!)  There are a few differences in recipes, but on the whole it seems to involve one teaspoon of sugar, and one of honey, ten fluid ounces of pineapple juice, three pineapple chunks, and mineral water to the top of the glass.

The Gold Star for Effort (or Morning Star) Shawlette is a reversible crescent scarf-shawlette, worked from the star motif edging upwards, with some beads (60 to be exact) for a bit of added (optional) bling. The body of the shawl is worked in garter stitch using short rows.

My testers and myself have used varying amounts of yarn, from 400 yards, to 453, so to be safe, I've suggested that you have at least 450 yards of your chosen yarn before you start.  (The Fred Sock by Rain that I used for the gold version is 463 yards long in total.)

And where can you find this little gem?  HERE, of course.  Ravelry is again playing host and this link will take you through to the pattern page, which is available to all, not just Ravelry members.  Should you wish to purchase straight away (and why not?) feel free to click on the button below.

How much?  Only €4!!  (or £3.40, $5.40, ₪19, NOK32, ¥530.24..) and for the first month you can get 25% (or 1 euro) off with the code 'twinkle'.  Just apply it when prompted at checkout!

Coconut Shells At The Ready

"Nic does occasionally feel like she has embarked upon an epic and almost impossible quest to Thinner-land. A quest where will-power is tested, where her belief in herself is questioned, and her strength of commitment is pummelled and pounded by those who use insults like battering-rams, not caring what they crush as long as they perceive themselves the victor.  

But like in all epic quests, (and epic status updates) abilities once lost, return, glimpses of hope for a successful outcome become more frequent, confidence in self gets bolstered by little victories.

Today is a day of hopeful glimpses and little victories. Another milestone is passed. This one reads 'Four stones'."

Because what's more arbitrary than celebrating UK and US pound loss goals in separate posts? I'm such a universal crowd-pleaser!

In Cake We Trust

"Cheesecake cupcakes: the traditional way to celebrate an *arbitrary*-numbered pound loss. (Little know 'fact': Much like anniversaries, pound loss has items connected to them. For example, 51 is cheesecake cupcakes, 59 is red velvet cupcakes, 65 is a tray-ful of brownies.)"

Fifty-one pounds gone. So much work and patience and blood, sweat and tears. But yes, it's worth it, just for the cupcakes alone!  

I'm totally in it for the long haul and am of the mind that these milestones, arbitrary though they are, should be celebrated in a way I enjoy! So thank goodness for Bettie Crocker and her cupcake mixes, because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't manage to bake this plate of gorgeousness on my own!   

I hope there's room in the freezer...

Sterling Effort

"Nic can finally get her all-time favourite ring back on her finger... It's been what? at least 7 or 8 years since it fitted!"

The simple act of trying on that silver band, and finding it fit back on the finger it was worn on for years prior to the last weight gain, has made my day. No. It's more than that, it's given me more proof that whatever I'm doing is working. It may just look like a simple silver Celtic knot ring to you, but to me it's a promise ring for a healthier future. It hasn't made my day, it has made my life!

A Thigh Of Belief

"Nic decided, seeing as she has lost a fair amount of lbs, that it was a good idea to start using her cross trainer again; and instead of suffering a measly 5 minutes before falling down in a quivering heap like she used to, she can now manage 30 minutes before quivering heapage is attained.

On the other hand, her thighs are never going to forgive her.

Never ever."

And to add insult to injury, I still had to wheel the monster back to its lair in my bedroom from the living room (where there's more space to use it), where it nestles in the gloom of my makeshift wardrobe.

I'm reminded somewhat of an advert for an egg-shaped toy that was around when I was young, Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down, partly because a friend of mine used to call me Weeble, (Not a mean girl at all, just lacking in empathy a bit at times) but also because I really was wobbling there for a second or sixty, however, I decided that falling down on the couch would probably leave my protesting muscles in a worse state.

I just have to hope that by tomorrow my lower extremities will have absolved me of my rotary sins against them.

edit 21st September 2015:  I come back to this post two years later to say that I've just started up again with my rather decrepit, slightly falling apart, but still just about working cross trainer. After discovering walking workouts on YouTube about seven months after I first started bobbing up and down on the cycle, and worrying that the it was starting to wear out having to put up with my extra poundage (something that seemed within the realms of possibility because if it was used more than two consecutive days it started to clunk a little with each peddle turn) I decided it was time to put it out to pasture. Or, in reality, turned it into a clothes horse.

But talking to a friend today about all the things I do to try and lose weight and get fit and healthy, I remembered my trainer-horse and decided to take it out of retirement. It was unsurprisingly dust-free, being buried under too-big concert dresses as it was, so I just needed to spray a little WD40 in pertinent places to convince it it was all going to be okay (and I love the smell, which is always handy), find my MP3 player, and set up a pile of eighties hits. Oh yes, there's nothing like a stationary cycle down memory lane to get the sweat flowing! A Town Called Malice, Lessons In Love, Atomic, Centerfold, Abracadabra, You Spin Me Round (Like A Record), Take On Me, Temptation, It's A Sin...  

My thighs, needless to say, haven't changed their record, though...

The Luck Of The Irish

ish ale shawlette by yours truly
guinness version in ice yarns kid mohair 'black'
and rowan kidsilk haze in 'ghost'
green beer version in yarn chef minestrone in 'spring vortex'
and bbknits prima superwash merino nylon in 'innocence'

The Irish Ale Shawlette is a companion piece (as they say in the art world) to myIrish Ale Socks.  I love these socks so much that I've been thinking about making something with a similar pattern for yonks...

The stitch pattern always makes me think of settling ale, swirling, newly poured, in a pint glass, and the bubbly head at the top (or in this case, the bottom) just cries out to be made out of such a pretty (if I may say so) ruffled edge - a somewhat stylised form of the main stitch pattern. 

And so this little shawl was born. Or perhaps poured...

The Irish Ale Shawlette is worked from the top down and knits up well in most lighter-weight yarns, as long as you finish the body of the shawl after one full repeat, as the froth is calculated to work with that specific number of stitches.  

My Guinness version was worked in lace-weight, and the Green Beer in fingering-weight.  They both look extremely tasty and the stitch pattern is well defined in both weights.  Try in sport-weight, or DK for something a little more substantial!  Gauge isn't important, and as long as you have enough yarn, you're guaranteed of a darling little shawl, designed to keep the Autumn (or Spring) chills from your shoulders as you partake of an Irish Ale down the pub!

Further details can be found HERE on the Ravelry page (available to members and non-members alike).  You can also click the button below, which will take you immediately to the paypal page.  

Goan - you know you wanta!

The Meaning Of Cake

"Nic reckons even she can have too much awesome, so isn't too sad to see that 3rd stone go... There are now 42 fewer Awesome Nic pounds on this planet, but she reckons everyone'll manage just nicely without them!"

No cake, though, because this number is much too easily celebrated. There's nothing arbitrary about three stones, or forty-two pounds. Forty-two is, after all, the meaning of life according to Douglas Adams.

Wait though. Life is nothing if not arbitrary, and did I not say some time ago No Cake, No Life™, or something along those lines? I should have thought this through better. Perhaps once I lose eighty-four pounds I can have two cakes instead...

Keeping Your Martinis Dry

cocktail umbrella shawlette by yours truly
madelinetosh tosh sock in 'grapefruit'

I'd like to introduce something to you that I've been working on for a while...  TheCocktail Umbrella Shawlette.

In keeping with my main alcoholic beverages theme (yes, I am indeed that clever... or fortunate that that I have a one-track mind) this shawlette is a celebration in little shawl form of that ubiquitous little paper drink accessory you find shading all your favourite exotic cocktails.  (I have to admit to liking them on non-exotic cocktails, too...  I find, for example, a cocktail umbrella balanced on the top of a pint of Guinness rather endearing, in a beauty and the beast kind of way...  But I digress.)  

Of those non-edible garnished for your alcoholic beverage of choice, none can come higher in the estimation of all (i.e. me) than the festive cocktail umbrella.  It adds fun and frivolity to the most austere of drinks (and now I'm picturing a traditional spot of sherry in an old-fashioned sherry glass, adorned with a bright paper umbrella...  I digress again.) and nothing else says 'this booze is FUN' any better than this little paper firework!

The Cocktail Umbrella Shawlette is made from the lace edging upward, and the body of the shawl is worked using short rows to give it that classic crescent shape. Adapted from my Piña Colada Socks and initially inspired by Barbara Walker's parasol lace, this shawlette is the perfect companion to watching the sun go down whilst sipping on your favourite cocktail!

So inspired was I by this little bit of yarny engineering, that I went straight on to make another one...  It took 4 days.  I may or may not have been obsessed.

april showers version
zagroda sock in 'gray'

424 little stitches, 6 rows in,
finished lace swirl,
short rows take shape, nearly done.

Considering this is my first attempt at putting a little shawl together, I have to say I'm pretty pleased with the results!  You must, if you have the time, take a peek at the other versions of this shawlette you can find on the pattern page (which I'll link to in a bit) as the colours my testers have chosen to make this are truly reminiscent of cocktail umbrellas - they look so festive and happy!

And because I am so proud of this little cracker, I'm offering it for €3 ($3.87, £2.55) until the end of June 2013 to all-comers, then will put it up to the actual price of €4 ($5.16, £3.40) after the month is up!  You can't say I'm not good to you! :)

You can find the Ravelry pattern page HERE, or if you want to cut out the middle man, you can click on the button below which will take you straight to paypal.  All mod cons here, you know!

To make this shawl you need: size 3.5.mm (US 4) and size 3.25 (US 3) circular or straight needles, 380 - 400 yards of fingering-weight yarn, strong thread or similar for lifelines (optional but recommended), and around 20 stitch markers.  The size is roughly 75" wingspan by 15" depth but it depends on how rigorously and aggressively you block it.  I blocked both of mine to create scallops on the top edge, but it's just as simple (if not more simple) to block it straight.  I liked the added tension on the lace created by the scallops, but YMMV!

(you can click on any of these photos for a larger look-see!)

A Shot In The Dark

b-52 sock by yours truly
schachenmayr nomotta regia uni solid 4-ply in
'borke', 'natur' and 'jaffa'

I believe it's about time a classic shot drink was immortalised in sock form, and the B-52 is perfect for the job!  Basically a layered shot cocktail comprising of coffee liqueur, Irish cream liqueur, and an orange liqueur, this little devil should, when prepared properly, separate into 3 distinct layers.  The B-52 Sock has layers, too - 3 cabled layers of stylised coffee beans, Irish knots, and orange segments running in nearly worked striped from a toe-up cast-on, up the foot and onto the leg, with an afterthought heel and round toe.

the top layer - orange liqueur - stylised  orange segments

the middle layer - irish cream liqueur - a simple irish knot

the bottom layer - coffee liqueur - stylised coffee bean

The cuff gives you two options - the first gives you a ribbed cuff that carries the pretty cabled separator up to the top, and the second is inspired by the Flaming B-52, where the top layer of the shot is ignited.  (If you wanted to truly make a Flaming B-52, you could add blue to the mix, as the flame burns blue!)  Both are equally suitable to be the top to such cute socks!

Of course, you don't need to stich to these three colours - there are many variations of the B-52 to inspire your colour choice, including (and here I quote Mr Wikipedia):

B-51: a B52 with hazlenut liqueur rather than orange liqueur.

B-52 with Bomb Bay Doors: A B52 with Bombay gin.

B-52 in the Desert, or a B-52 with a Mexican Tailgunner: a B-52 with tequila rather than Irish cream.

B-52 with a Full Payload: a B-52 with a 4th layer of hazelnut liqueur and a 5th layer of rum lit on fire.

B-52: a B52 with Sambuca rather than Irish cream.

B-54 - a B-52 with almond liqueur in place of orange liqueur.

B-55: a B-52 with absinthe rather than orange liqueur - also know as the B-52 Gunship

B57: a B-52 with peppermint schnapps instead of Irish cream..

And if that's all too much, then how about one colour throughout?  One of my testers made the whole sock in one colour, which adds a real wow factor to the cable designs themselves!  So really, the options are endless!

You can see all the other versions HERE, which links to the main pattern page on Ravelry, or alternatively you buy it by clicking on the button below which takes you straight to paypal!

And the price?  You can get this gorgeousness for only €3 (£2.57, $3.88).  Go on!  You know you need to!

The Joy Of Veg

"Nic has never before looked forward so much to a plate of roasted vegetables."

So I'm trying something new; something my sister recommended: the 5:2 Fast Diet. Now, I am the first person to admit to not liking diets; I was put on one when I was twelve years old (coincidentally around the same time Osgood Schlatter Disease started to raise its ugly head), and remember vividly seeing the diet sheet instructing us to feed me 'normal' portions, which were actually more than I was eating at home. Three fish fingers instead of my normal two, for example. (Why the fish finger amount sticks in my head to this day, I'm not sure, but they were tasty, and who were we to question the dietician?) It will come as no surprise that I put on a few pounds on this 'diet', heads were shaken, and I think I was just abandoned by the system because it didn't make sense, especially as away from 'help' I was eating the same amount, playing the same amount, living the same amount as my sister, who was sixteen months younger than me, and a polar opposite in body type.

Genes, people. Genes and obesity. It's a Thing. Not an excuse. But a reality that makes the fight to stay healthy a little more tricky than it could be for those of us who can trace large ancestors all the way down their family tree.

So I've avoided the whole diet thing for much of my life. I did try a shake-based thin-quick type for a while when I was still at school, but apart from being expensive, it was ineffective and (hind-sight and all that) hardly advisable for a growing teenager. The rest of the time I just had to get used to being the fat girl. If I was being very active I'd lose a little weight, if I was spending most of my time studying, I'd put it back on whilst still staying at the obese level of overweight. Genetics + energy in - energy out = me.

So when my sister suggested this intermittent fasting diet, she managed to make it sound more like a change of pace, as opposed to an actual limiting diet, and something that could be done over a long period of time instead of the short, sharp shock of a restrictive regime.

You know, I think if you want to lose weight, or become healthier, or change anything about yourself at all, you need to know some basic facts about yourself. What makes you tick. What turns you off. How a different set of parameters can set you off in different ways. And I think the most important thing is to realise that what works for you might not work for me, and vice versa. If bodies and genetics were all the same, then yes, we'd all need to do the same thing to shift ten pounds, but as close as we all become when taken to basic human DNA whatever level, just looking around a room will show you that no two people are alike, and surely by that standard alone we can presume that our bodies process the input and output of calories in tiny, but just as equally different ways?

And once our brains join in the game?

So, I know my head doesn't work well with short-term diet sheets and fear of punishment from a grown-up if I don't lose weight. I do, however, work well with long-term projects, and routine, and this is why I decided to give this 5:2 thing a try.  

Which is why I'm salivating over a plate of roasted vegetables. Five hundred calories is all you're allowed for your fast day which can be used in any way you see fit. Two hundred of my five hundred went on lunch, eighty went on a biscuit with a cup of herbal tea this afternoon, (because I could - hell, you could have one cupcake with frosting worth five hundred calories for the day if you wanted, although I doubt it would be recommended...) and the rest has been made up with roast carrots, red pepper, courgette, and beetroot. I used myfitnesspal online to track the calories, which is jolly handy for working out your intake if you use it correctly. I add a little pinch of salt to the 'calories used' part, but on the whole it looks like it could be a useful piece of kit to have in my weight loss tool bag.

Talking of adding a pinch of salt, my roasties are calling my name!