A Picture Says A Thousand Words

Orthostatic Hypotension

"Nic wants to have a word with the Wii game programmer who thought crunches with punches, followed by ab leg raises, followed by reverse crunches was a good way to end a workout.

She's pretty sure you're not supposed to end up feeling like you've been cut in half..."

There's a tiny part of me that worries the infra-red sensor bar thing that you put in front, or on top, of your telly actually contains a tiny camera that sends a LIVE From Nic's Living Room feed to anyone who has access to some high-up server at Nintendo. That as soon as the Nic Is ON button starts flashing, there comes an array of bespectacled computer nerds with buckets of popcorn to a super-secret viewing room, in expectation of seeing some fat chick roll around on the floor attempting to accordion herself thin. 

As conspiracy theories go, it's not altogether outwith the realms of possibility. At best you could be the inspiration behind a new and improved range of get-fit-and-healthy games that gives a more realistic sense of movement and achievable goals. You're this tall, weigh this much, are this bendy, and once on the floor have difficulty in getting back up again? Then THIS GAME is for YOU, modelled to your precise range of motion and muscle strength! LOSE WEIGHT! GET FIT!! IMPROVE YOUR LIFE!!!!

At worst your attempts to better yourself could be getting streamed live via satellite to a horrible pay-per-view racket, and although your face may be pixelated out, each of your rolls of fat have been individually named by a dodgy online clientèle who believe they could recognise who they were watching just by how an attempted squat thrust made the subject's mid-portions jiggle. Oy.

Ignore me - I've obviously spent too long with my head below my centre of gravity this evening.